A few life experiences from a 23 year old

I have been alive on this earth for close to a quarter-century and I would like to share my current perspectives on life and how I got there. I haven’t gone through any life-changing events and neither did I face any adverse life situations. Don't get me wrong, I have had my fair share of ups and downs in life but at least I had a roof over my head, 3+ meals a day, and the warmth of a loving family ( It isn't perfect but at least it is there ). You would be shocked to know the number of people that do not have access to these and are cursed/blessed ( Blessed, only if they overcome it ) with the mental trauma that comes with it. I am grateful to be born the way I did. I realize not everyone was blessed this way. Some people ( like my dad/grandmom etc ) had it rough.

Nobody is smarter / dumber than you, just more/less experienced

Growing up, I did better than average in my academics. There was a clear hirearchy of who was considered smart and who wasn't. I subscribed to the zero-sum game where my being smarter than someone implied that the other person was dumber than I was. I felt bad for the other person and was kinda jealous of the people that were smarter than me. I tried to help people who didn't find academics intuitive because I thought that's the only way they survive this world.

Looking back, I am ashamed at how pretentious I was. The nerve I had, to look down on people. My perspective started to take a shift when I joined college. Here I met a different crowd. There were people good at academics but not necessarily smart enough to implement the things they learned. There were people who got barely got by on their academics but were smart enough to organize and lead events. There were people who could jerk around the entire semester, learn everything at the last minute and still end up in the toppers list. This is when I also realized that the education system is broken.

I had another shift in my perspective when I finished university and started working. Here I started seeing people that did not even do any formal university education just killing it. From here, it was very evident that there is something I am missing.

The people that I considered smart in school were simply the people that put more effort into academics. The people that I considered smart in college, were simply the people that had more experience leading/organizing or practically implementing different engineering concepts or whatever it is they did. The people that I considered smart in work, were simply the people that loved doing what they did and hence spent way more time than the average person on whatever it is they did. All three categories of people were smart in something but lacked in something else.

This led me to the conclusion that anyone can be smart at anything if they like doing it and are ready to spend more time doing that particular thing.

Dream big but set small goals.

“People tend to overestimate what can be done in one year and to underestimate what can be done in five or ten years.” - J. C. R. Licklider

Dreams are one of the most beautiful survival tactics we have developed. Everyone wants to be the superhero that defeats the bad guys and gets the girl. But we often don't become that person. The issue wasn't that you didn't dream big but that you didn't set small enough goals to achieve them.

In order to not lose motivation, you must ensure that the dream is chopped up into very small attainable goals. This is even evident from any project that your team at work undertakes. The project is often effort intensive, taking up a year or more. The senior team members that are often the most experienced will split up the project into various phases, these phases might in turn get split into different tasks and assigned to various members of the team. Deadlines might be missed from time to time but the project seems achievable now that there’s a plan.

What could happen in some cases is that you over engineer your plan and now your stuck in analysis paralysis. What's important is momentum. You don’t need to plan to the last detail. Plan as you go but keep moving. Also if you dont have a dream yet, take a chill pill and dream. Life is beautiful. Why be reactive to life when you can be proactive ?

Habits lead to routine. Routine leads to discipline. Discipline leads to freedom.

Momentum is everything. You will thank yourself for doing that one thing you always wanted to do. You will love yourself more on the days you go to the gym even when you didn’t want to go that day. Forming habits is the only way you get to achieve your dreams. And achieving dreams are the key to freedom.

It seems a little counter intuitive that discipline would lead to freedom because that means that you don't get to do what you want right ? Wrong. It means that you sacrifice the things that you don't want for the things that you really want. Do you really want to eat junk and binge Netflix or do you want to be the best version of yourself ? Introspect and get your shit together.

There are things that you cannot control and there are things that you can.

Actively ask yourself in every tough situation “Is there something I can do to to decrease the tension ?” If the answer is closer to yes, analyze the situation thoroughly and craft a plan to overcome it. If the answer is closer to no, then stressing about the outcome of the situation is futile and you need to start prepping for the inevitable.

This is a tricky question especially when you barely have experience with stuff you are dealing with and the answer to that will depend on whether you are an optimistic or a pessimistic person. You need to get better at analyzing these situations and the only way to get there is experience. Try to proactively get yourself involved in uncomfortable situations and get better at figuring out what you can and cannot control.